true story... 4 me anyway

things that seem too good to be real usually arent

only 4 Nicole...no one else read plz

umm....i love you more than ive ever loved anyone or anything else in my life and i dont want to lose you over one big mistake i made. u mean everything to me and without you, i have nothing meaningful in my life and i have nothing to live for. if i could go back in time and decide not to ask her out, i would. i hate myself for it and just cant stop thinking about how i hurt you. ur still as much a part of me as u were the day u said goodbye. im sorry, i love you.

Sorry everyone

im bored. plain and simple, so ima write a blog. yeah...im wasting my time here on earth and screwing so many ppl over while doing it.

firstly...Nicole, im sorry. ive never meant to hurt you EVER, but i still manage to at times. i know im not easy 2 deal with all the time but i try not to be difficult. u mean everything to me and i screwed up ur whole plan for your life. im sorry. i still love you and idc who knows. ima miss u more than anybody this summer.

secondly...Coryn, im with u but i love Nicole. it tears my heart out to know that this relationship probably wont last very long, especially if i keep acting and thinking the way i have been lately. ur a great girl and im happy 2 have met you tho.

thirdly....my entire family. ive caused all of you so much pain and hardship that i dont know y im even still part of this family. as far as im concerned u should have thrown me out on the streets years ago and let me fend for myself, thats how much ive done for all of you.

i screw up everything i do and mess up everyone elses plans, but i want to change. to everyone i know, im sorry. sorry for all that ive done.

i love you all tho, i hope u know that.

"Faithful" Readers...I give you a preview of what im hoping will be my first novel

Chapter 1
Blondy123 has signed into the chat-room.
Blondy123 says: Hey.
Billythekid says: Hi, who are you?
Blondy123 says: Oh, that’s not important. How are you?
Billythekid says: I’m good, you?
Blondy123 says: I’m not have bad myself.
Billythekid says: Why are you talking to me?
Blondy123 says: I was just looking through chat-rooms and I thought u were cute.
Billythekid says: Well I’m not, so you better stop talking to me!
Billythekid has signed out of the chat-room.

“Damn,” Cathy said to herself as she got off of the computer. “That’s the third one I’ve scared off this week. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You are being too aggressive with them,” said Joe, her partner in crime.
“Well, why don’t you show me how it’s done Captain?”
“Fine”, he said, “I will, let me onto your AIM account.”
“Okay, lets see how you fair, these kids are a lot smarter than you think.”

Blondy123 has signed into the chat-room.
Blondy123 says: Hi, how are you?
Lionspikes says: Not bad, how about you?
Blondy123 says: Pretty good. What did u do all weekend?
Lionspikes says: Not much, pretty much just stayed around my place, what did you do?
Blondy123 says: The same, do you play a lot of sports?
Lionspikes says: Yeah, do you?
Blondy123 says: I love them. My favorite sport is basketball.
Lionspikes says: Really? So is mine.
Blondy123 says: Oh, that’s cool. What’s your favorite team?
Lionspikes says: Well, I really like the Sonics and Cavaliers.
Blondy123 says: Wow, what a coincidence. I live in Cleveland. LeBron James is my favorite player.
Lionspikes says: Sweet, he’s mine too.
Blondy123 says: He’s so amazing. I love how he dunks.
Lionspikes says: Yeah, that is amazing.
Lionspikes says: I wish I could do that.
Blondy123 says: I’m going to a basketball professional and he’s teaching me how to get more air to do those kinds of aerial tricks.
Lionspikes says: Sweet, do you know if he would be willing to teach me too?
Blondy123 says: Yeah, of course he would. Do you live in the area?
Lionspikes says: Yes, I live on Walton Lane, do you know where that is?
Blondy123 says: Yeah, I live about three blocks from there on Baltic Avenue.
Lionspikes says: Would you be willing to meet me at Lollipop Park around ten on Saturday morning?
Blondy123 says: I’ll be there. My name is Cathy by the way; I’ll be wearing a white sweatshirt and black pants. I won’t be hard to recognize.
Lionspikes says: Okay, my name is Leo.
Blondy123 says: Okay, I have to go, but I will see you on Saturday okay?
Lionspikes says: Sounds like a plan.
Blondy123 has signed out of the chat-room.

“You see how easy that was,” said Joe, “Like taking candy from a baby.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice work. I have to admit, you are smarter than you look,” said Cathy.“Thanks, you aren’t dumb either,” he said with a grin on his face.

yay... ;(

well as all ppl from DE already know, tomorrow is the last day of school. most ppl are happy about that, not me. summer is a great time of year and all, its just that it gets old after about a week and flys by every year. i want it to stay put for a lil while so i have some time to enjoy myself. i also dont want to be cooped up in the school for 3 hours a day for 2 weeks in july wasting my time at drivers ed. hopefully ill get to hang out quite a bit and wont have 2 do shit all the time but who knows. thank God i dont have to watch my brother over the summer anymore, that was gay.

im done bitchin, its still my favorite time of the year

oh...fuck

im the biggest asshole ever, be free to tell me i am. please do actually.

im just so sick of making mistakes and getting screwed over every time i think im doing something to help myself. i try to make as few mistakes in my life as i possibly can, but i think i just made the biggest mistake in my life. life was good, then i had to go and find some shit out and not even think about how nicole felt about the whole thing. and if she reads this, which would be a miracle in and of itself, i wanna let her know that im sorry from the bottom of my heart how this whole thing turned out.

i hope everyone has a good summer and checks up on me often as i will prolly be very bored and typing alot of these blogs.

its getting better

i think my luck is changing again, this time for the better tho. hopefully i dont screw it up, screwing stuff up blows big time. its like golf. its great when its goin good, but when its bad, its BAD. i golfed like 63 holes this weekend, i think. my hands are a little sore, but w/e i had fun. some famliy came over on sunday and that was pretty kool. went golfing, lol. shot like shit, but had some good food. today i went golfing too, shot a 90 on 18 holes. for those of you that cant do math at all, thats averaging 45 per 9, lol.

on a not so happy note, there was a drug deal at school and some of my friends were involved in that. i wont be talking to either of them much from now on. im gunna stay out of that shit tho, i expect everyone reading this to do the same!

F.U.C.K.

presently im failing at life. im pretty damn sure that nicole is gone for good now that i know what actually happened saturday between her and someone else. so this is all fucking up my life. especially my golf game, if i golfed 9 holes tomorrow i could probably shoot in the 30's somewhere, i golf better when life isnt going well but idk why. shot a 43 today if that says anything about how shitty life is for me right now. i dont want her to be gone, ever. but it feels like every day i find out something bad that i didnt know about before and its not fun. every day is a new day and ima keep trudgin thru this mud that seems to be bogging my life down suddenly. for three months i was just living for tomorrow and now im just waiting for the moment she comes back. if that never happens then ill be waiting forever with arms outstreched and my chin held high. im not gunna give up on us. we had our share of tough times and weve had our share of fun...i just wish it didnt end.

yay for golf, everything else blows right now

shot a 45 today and tied for 8th place out of 42 people at the meet. its about time i shot a decent round in a meet. the last 2 have both been 52 and not good enough to stay on varsity for long, but i managed to shoot well today so i might be on for the rest of the season if all goes well.

on the flip side, i would gladly have taken another score of 52 if i still had her. she gave back my ring today which stopped me in my tracks and it finally sunk in that shes actually gone. damn. im not glad shes gone, may never be. thats what can happen when a guy screws up. the worst part of this whole thing is that i dont even know what i did.

my grades aint that good either, a C, an A, and a couple B's isnt very good, even for me. i should just stop bitchin cuz bitchin aint gunna change a goddamn thing except for how many posts i have on this goddamn blog.

i got littles book yesterday but havent had time to start it yet, i was busy tonight and ill be busy until saturday afternoon after i get home from golf. i finished my spanish project that i needed to get done for tomorrow and got that son of a bitch out of the way thank the lord.

back to the whole *she* thing... shes pissed at me too, which doesnt help my case. i didnt mean to make her mad and im sorry i did. i was kinda out of it last night and now i realize that i acted like an ass. theres not much i can do about it now except apologize right to her face. i dont want to do that tho cuz i dont know how shes gunna react to having me talk to her again. i saw her once today and all i could do was try to crack a smile when she saw me lookin her way. "you never know what u got till its gone" and with that quote ill end this post.

well...c'est la vie, i guess

so the last 3 months, to the day, have been great. thats over now. and it really blows so far, just like every breakup. but ill get over it, ill live. at least i think i will. i still love her, i told her that. it dont even matter to me if she cares cuz i was just speaking what i felt when i said it. and i still feel it. and i dont care what the rest of the world thinks. i didnt figure it would happen today and she caught me off guard.

hopefully now ill just be able to concentrate on golf and school for the most part of the next 4 months...either that or she comes back to me *highly unlikely* cuz im an asshole or at least a shitty boyfriend. thursday, friday, and saturday are all meet days for golf and 18 holes on saturday. 36 holes in 3 days is better for my hands than the 54 i played in 4 days but its still not good for them considering my hands are already sore from golfing too much.

my life blows, someone write a happy blog to cheer my ass up plz and thank you =]
luv yall, especially nicole