yeah...

its been exactly a month since i last updated so here goes...

my classes are shit in school, except 3rd block. Natural Resources is great just because NICOLE is in it with me and shes great. the first two weeks, school lunch has been total shit and ive had to resort to eating salad as part of it. i had an appointment today tho, so i never had lunch.

altho lunch has been shit, school is going perfectly already, maybe. just cuz of Nicole.

i got totally screwed up over the summer with feelings/emotions and shit like that. i think i know better now and yeah...thats going nowhere. i think thats already tmi for me 2 be giving out. i think i made it pretty obvious already that i like Nicole, still. but its the truth, no denying the truth.

she thought id forget about her by the start of senior year, no way in hell thats happening. i think ill remember her long after high school and college are both done with. i hope to remember everyone, i doubt i will tho =[


nothin real exciting at all before school started, i hung out with hayley, amy, and kassie like twice but other than that my whole summer was pretty uneventful.

i cant wait til monday...

update...

nicole told me to update...so im updating just 4 her

i havent really done much since i last updated, this weekend i stayed in kasson with my uncle which was fun. i watched movies til like 3 in the mornin =D i watched walking tall [soooo stupid] and american wedding and american pie the naked mile [watch em! they r greatness]

and today...i hung out with amy, hayley and kassie for a while then amy, hayley and i went to hayleys house and played guitar hero. jon came after a while and that was fun. i ate like a whole pizza [yummay! i ate like 10 chips worth of food all weekend] . after that we went to amy's and watched borat [stupid, waste of my life]

ive also been writing quite a bit...and thats the story of my life.

books, beer, bitches! livin life 2 the fullest. im out 4 now

my weekend

saturday - i woke up at about 11:30 and ate lunch. then i got a phone call and went to sabrinas to go 4 wheeling. that was pretty awesome even tho im sore now and i was shaking for a few hours after i got home. she was laughin at me aboout that =] sabrina is a fuckin great driver tho , haha. she scared the shit outta me the first few times, it was great fun tho and i got to meet some of her fam. her dad is real nice and the other ppl that were over seemed nice enough. today was a good day, a real good day. i was even away from my fam. for most of it.

sunday - i woke up at about 1030 and went golfin. my momma felt like being nice today so she stopped at kt and let me get a Vault, i was going thru withdrawl. i golfed decently, shot a 49, but i only used 7,8,9 irons, PW, and putter. i surprised myself =] i even made a 25 foot putt, haha. longest of my life. and tonight ill stay up till 2 or 3 if no one bothers me. i need to use the desktop cuz i cant get the internet working on my laptop for whatever reason. im just too stupid to figure it out.

im back! =]

finally! and i got my internet working on my computer somewhat decently. im happy 2 be home. but now im like a week behind everyone else and have no idea whats going on, haha. yellowstone was pretty gay, we saw a bunch of animals, mostly buffalo. then we went to SD on the 4th and saw mt. rushmore and a bunch of other shit. on our way home we stopped in wall drug which was like a little outlet mall. it was kinda gay and i wanted to get home. we also stopped in the badlands on our way home which wasnt so bad. didnt take real long. we got home at about 730 and i got the internet on my computer working at about 1030 so i worked on it for about 3 hours b4 it finally started to work. i was getting pissed.

grr...vacation

so i gotta leave my house and friends which i love deeply. i have to go to yellowstone for a whole fuckin week!!! grr..i dont wanna go cuz i dont like being with my family for more than a day at a time. i better fuckin get to bring my computer or im gunna die. or kill someone. im gunna miss a few ppl...lots of ppl.

today i woke up at 1130 which was great, haha. i went to bed at 2 last night, i was waiting for a person to talk to but she didnt show up and i was tired. i hung out with amy for a while. we played soccer, it was pretty great. kinda weird tho, haha. shes an odd kinda person. after that i came home and waited for ppl 2 talk to again. sabrina got on and i talked 2 her for a while, until i had 2 go eat. shes pretty and sweet. i had a hot dog and a samich 2 eat. it was alright, it woulda been better if i knew it wasnt gunna be my last meal b4 i have to leave. i hate my family, at least my parents. but yeah...damn. i wish i could have someone else go 4 me.

this whole week has been shitty, starting on friday morning. the news of the accident and all that. tuesday was sad, the wake. i was happy that their were tons of people there tho, made me feel go to know that they were loved. wednesday was the funeral and that was really sad too. i was disappointed that i didnt get to go to the burial, but my ride couldnt go so there was nothing i could really do. sabrina looked great both days even tho she was sad and i felt real bad for her. there were a lot of people at the funeral too even tho it was in the middle of the day, that made me feel good too. and tomorrow i have to leave for WY. its a 13-15 hour ride and the only thing i will have to do is sleep (we r leaving at 3 a.m.) and be on the comp if i can even bring it. i better be able to or ill be pissed. i might also finish up my book that ive been working on for a few months, haha. the hobbit, i have about 25 pgs left in it.

love yall

=[ damn

shitty mornings turning into shitty days turning into shitty nights...as im sure most of you know, Stephanie and her momma died last night in a car crash. thats the news i woke up to this morning, shitty wake up call. im real worried about sabrina and everyone else associated with their family. its scary ya know, cuz u never think it can happen to u. if i could do anything to bring them two back, including dying myself, i would do it in a heartbeat. i know theres nothing that will bring them back or make the tragedy any less real for their family but all of us can help them in some way. just being their for them and trying to help will help them greatly. i know Steph and her momma are in a better place but its a real shame that they left so soon.

all of you, plz promise me that u wont drive drunk and that ull wear ur seat belts every time u are in a car. they might still be here with us if they had their buckles fastened.

single

im single again...not like its gunna change anything, just thought id let yall know

true story... 4 me anyway

things that seem too good to be real usually arent

only 4 Nicole...no one else read plz

umm....i love you more than ive ever loved anyone or anything else in my life and i dont want to lose you over one big mistake i made. u mean everything to me and without you, i have nothing meaningful in my life and i have nothing to live for. if i could go back in time and decide not to ask her out, i would. i hate myself for it and just cant stop thinking about how i hurt you. ur still as much a part of me as u were the day u said goodbye. im sorry, i love you.

Sorry everyone

im bored. plain and simple, so ima write a blog. yeah...im wasting my time here on earth and screwing so many ppl over while doing it.

firstly...Nicole, im sorry. ive never meant to hurt you EVER, but i still manage to at times. i know im not easy 2 deal with all the time but i try not to be difficult. u mean everything to me and i screwed up ur whole plan for your life. im sorry. i still love you and idc who knows. ima miss u more than anybody this summer.

secondly...Coryn, im with u but i love Nicole. it tears my heart out to know that this relationship probably wont last very long, especially if i keep acting and thinking the way i have been lately. ur a great girl and im happy 2 have met you tho.

thirdly....my entire family. ive caused all of you so much pain and hardship that i dont know y im even still part of this family. as far as im concerned u should have thrown me out on the streets years ago and let me fend for myself, thats how much ive done for all of you.

i screw up everything i do and mess up everyone elses plans, but i want to change. to everyone i know, im sorry. sorry for all that ive done.

i love you all tho, i hope u know that.