Rant. Bitch

fuck it. i gotta be done with this shit and move on, be happy again. gotta try anyway, gotta quit holding on and let the past go. the past doesnt mean anything anymore anyway. thats all it is...past. over and done with. yay...im still pissed.

Maybe...Maybe not.

What do you want from me? What can I do? I gave you love, I gave you my heart and I never asked for it back. I don't want it back; keep it. Whether you use it or not; I know that it's in good hands if you have it. I don't need you to love me, though I wouldn't mind at all. I would absolutely love that, but I don't expect it. All I want is for you to like me and talk to me, can you do that? Or at least act?

Friends?

I want to be friends; you won't let me. I don't know what I did, but I obviously did something to hurt you or piss you off and I'm sorry about it. I don't need to know what I did, I just need to know how to fix it. How? It just feels, to me, that you don't care anymore. Don't care about me. It wouldn't come as any real surprise because I've done a lot of things to hurt you and I've made a lot of mistakes. You talked to me for a week or two, then you stopped; that made me sad. Before, nobody ever really wanted, or seemed to want, to know me; you seemed to and I wanted that, I still want that. But, I'll be fine just so long as you will be my friend. That's all I really want, well, I also want you to be happy. If you are happier without me, I will try to be happy for you. If you are happier with me, I'd really like to be your friend. Nothing more, nothing less.

Hey babes...

I need a girlfriend, haha. I spend waaaayyy too much time online because I have no one to see and nothing better to do. If you're interested, please, don't hesitate to tell me. I don't expect anyone to come to me, but that would be awesome! I haven't been in a very positive mood since May 2. I might be the only one who knows why that is, but that's sort of the way i like it. I'm not really interested in anyone particularly and that sucks, but it's my fault. I've had plenty of time to think about it, I just haven't yet. I'm being really indecisive right now and I need someone who knows a lot of girls to bounce ideas off of. Not prospects, just ideas.

It seems like all 9th grade girls are out of the question since none of them talk to me anymore. I'm friends with a lot of junior girls, but I'm not sure that i want to be more than friends with any of them and most of the sophomore girls are stuck-up bitches. There's no way I'm going to go any farther from my own age group than that right now, so I guess I'm stuck being single for a while. Aww poo...

In other news, it's October. That's great, because, well I really don't know why, it just is.

Oh yeah, I've made a few new friends searching for babes on Myspace, there are actually a lot of really neat people on there if they are nice enough to talk to people they don't know. I told them all i was bored, which wasn't totally untrue.

The Vikings officially suck again. I don't know why Childress has Holcomb and Jackson throwing the ball in the 4th quarter, they can't do anything in the first three! Hand the ball to Peterson with the game on the line, he can break one 90 yards for the touchdown!

Anyway, this is just a rant and it's going nowhere. I love you all!

Updated blog!

woot! i like it, a lot. tell me what you think.

HEY YOU! PEOPLE

ive been thinking about getting rid of this blog since no one seems to read it.

if you dont want me to, tell me within a month of this post and ill make sure i keep it somewhat up to date.

it would be nice if someone read this sometime. i kinda like writing on it, but i have a blog on myspace too. i suppose if i really feel i need to write, i can do it on there.

thats all, just tell me if u care.
much love all!

yeah...

its been exactly a month since i last updated so here goes...

my classes are shit in school, except 3rd block. Natural Resources is great just because NICOLE is in it with me and shes great. the first two weeks, school lunch has been total shit and ive had to resort to eating salad as part of it. i had an appointment today tho, so i never had lunch.

altho lunch has been shit, school is going perfectly already, maybe. just cuz of Nicole.

i got totally screwed up over the summer with feelings/emotions and shit like that. i think i know better now and yeah...thats going nowhere. i think thats already tmi for me 2 be giving out. i think i made it pretty obvious already that i like Nicole, still. but its the truth, no denying the truth.

she thought id forget about her by the start of senior year, no way in hell thats happening. i think ill remember her long after high school and college are both done with. i hope to remember everyone, i doubt i will tho =[


nothin real exciting at all before school started, i hung out with hayley, amy, and kassie like twice but other than that my whole summer was pretty uneventful.

i cant wait til monday...

update...

nicole told me to update...so im updating just 4 her

i havent really done much since i last updated, this weekend i stayed in kasson with my uncle which was fun. i watched movies til like 3 in the mornin =D i watched walking tall [soooo stupid] and american wedding and american pie the naked mile [watch em! they r greatness]

and today...i hung out with amy, hayley and kassie for a while then amy, hayley and i went to hayleys house and played guitar hero. jon came after a while and that was fun. i ate like a whole pizza [yummay! i ate like 10 chips worth of food all weekend] . after that we went to amy's and watched borat [stupid, waste of my life]

ive also been writing quite a bit...and thats the story of my life.

books, beer, bitches! livin life 2 the fullest. im out 4 now

my weekend

saturday - i woke up at about 11:30 and ate lunch. then i got a phone call and went to sabrinas to go 4 wheeling. that was pretty awesome even tho im sore now and i was shaking for a few hours after i got home. she was laughin at me aboout that =] sabrina is a fuckin great driver tho , haha. she scared the shit outta me the first few times, it was great fun tho and i got to meet some of her fam. her dad is real nice and the other ppl that were over seemed nice enough. today was a good day, a real good day. i was even away from my fam. for most of it.

sunday - i woke up at about 1030 and went golfin. my momma felt like being nice today so she stopped at kt and let me get a Vault, i was going thru withdrawl. i golfed decently, shot a 49, but i only used 7,8,9 irons, PW, and putter. i surprised myself =] i even made a 25 foot putt, haha. longest of my life. and tonight ill stay up till 2 or 3 if no one bothers me. i need to use the desktop cuz i cant get the internet working on my laptop for whatever reason. im just too stupid to figure it out.

im back! =]

finally! and i got my internet working on my computer somewhat decently. im happy 2 be home. but now im like a week behind everyone else and have no idea whats going on, haha. yellowstone was pretty gay, we saw a bunch of animals, mostly buffalo. then we went to SD on the 4th and saw mt. rushmore and a bunch of other shit. on our way home we stopped in wall drug which was like a little outlet mall. it was kinda gay and i wanted to get home. we also stopped in the badlands on our way home which wasnt so bad. didnt take real long. we got home at about 730 and i got the internet on my computer working at about 1030 so i worked on it for about 3 hours b4 it finally started to work. i was getting pissed.