F.U.C.K.

presently im failing at life. im pretty damn sure that nicole is gone for good now that i know what actually happened saturday between her and someone else. so this is all fucking up my life. especially my golf game, if i golfed 9 holes tomorrow i could probably shoot in the 30's somewhere, i golf better when life isnt going well but idk why. shot a 43 today if that says anything about how shitty life is for me right now. i dont want her to be gone, ever. but it feels like every day i find out something bad that i didnt know about before and its not fun. every day is a new day and ima keep trudgin thru this mud that seems to be bogging my life down suddenly. for three months i was just living for tomorrow and now im just waiting for the moment she comes back. if that never happens then ill be waiting forever with arms outstreched and my chin held high. im not gunna give up on us. we had our share of tough times and weve had our share of fun...i just wish it didnt end.