its getting better

i think my luck is changing again, this time for the better tho. hopefully i dont screw it up, screwing stuff up blows big time. its like golf. its great when its goin good, but when its bad, its BAD. i golfed like 63 holes this weekend, i think. my hands are a little sore, but w/e i had fun. some famliy came over on sunday and that was pretty kool. went golfing, lol. shot like shit, but had some good food. today i went golfing too, shot a 90 on 18 holes. for those of you that cant do math at all, thats averaging 45 per 9, lol.

on a not so happy note, there was a drug deal at school and some of my friends were involved in that. i wont be talking to either of them much from now on. im gunna stay out of that shit tho, i expect everyone reading this to do the same!

F.U.C.K.

presently im failing at life. im pretty damn sure that nicole is gone for good now that i know what actually happened saturday between her and someone else. so this is all fucking up my life. especially my golf game, if i golfed 9 holes tomorrow i could probably shoot in the 30's somewhere, i golf better when life isnt going well but idk why. shot a 43 today if that says anything about how shitty life is for me right now. i dont want her to be gone, ever. but it feels like every day i find out something bad that i didnt know about before and its not fun. every day is a new day and ima keep trudgin thru this mud that seems to be bogging my life down suddenly. for three months i was just living for tomorrow and now im just waiting for the moment she comes back. if that never happens then ill be waiting forever with arms outstreched and my chin held high. im not gunna give up on us. we had our share of tough times and weve had our share of fun...i just wish it didnt end.

yay for golf, everything else blows right now

shot a 45 today and tied for 8th place out of 42 people at the meet. its about time i shot a decent round in a meet. the last 2 have both been 52 and not good enough to stay on varsity for long, but i managed to shoot well today so i might be on for the rest of the season if all goes well.

on the flip side, i would gladly have taken another score of 52 if i still had her. she gave back my ring today which stopped me in my tracks and it finally sunk in that shes actually gone. damn. im not glad shes gone, may never be. thats what can happen when a guy screws up. the worst part of this whole thing is that i dont even know what i did.

my grades aint that good either, a C, an A, and a couple B's isnt very good, even for me. i should just stop bitchin cuz bitchin aint gunna change a goddamn thing except for how many posts i have on this goddamn blog.

i got littles book yesterday but havent had time to start it yet, i was busy tonight and ill be busy until saturday afternoon after i get home from golf. i finished my spanish project that i needed to get done for tomorrow and got that son of a bitch out of the way thank the lord.

back to the whole *she* thing... shes pissed at me too, which doesnt help my case. i didnt mean to make her mad and im sorry i did. i was kinda out of it last night and now i realize that i acted like an ass. theres not much i can do about it now except apologize right to her face. i dont want to do that tho cuz i dont know how shes gunna react to having me talk to her again. i saw her once today and all i could do was try to crack a smile when she saw me lookin her way. "you never know what u got till its gone" and with that quote ill end this post.

well...c'est la vie, i guess

so the last 3 months, to the day, have been great. thats over now. and it really blows so far, just like every breakup. but ill get over it, ill live. at least i think i will. i still love her, i told her that. it dont even matter to me if she cares cuz i was just speaking what i felt when i said it. and i still feel it. and i dont care what the rest of the world thinks. i didnt figure it would happen today and she caught me off guard.

hopefully now ill just be able to concentrate on golf and school for the most part of the next 4 months...either that or she comes back to me *highly unlikely* cuz im an asshole or at least a shitty boyfriend. thursday, friday, and saturday are all meet days for golf and 18 holes on saturday. 36 holes in 3 days is better for my hands than the 54 i played in 4 days but its still not good for them considering my hands are already sore from golfing too much.

my life blows, someone write a happy blog to cheer my ass up plz and thank you =]
luv yall, especially nicole