grr...vacation

so i gotta leave my house and friends which i love deeply. i have to go to yellowstone for a whole fuckin week!!! grr..i dont wanna go cuz i dont like being with my family for more than a day at a time. i better fuckin get to bring my computer or im gunna die. or kill someone. im gunna miss a few ppl...lots of ppl.

today i woke up at 1130 which was great, haha. i went to bed at 2 last night, i was waiting for a person to talk to but she didnt show up and i was tired. i hung out with amy for a while. we played soccer, it was pretty great. kinda weird tho, haha. shes an odd kinda person. after that i came home and waited for ppl 2 talk to again. sabrina got on and i talked 2 her for a while, until i had 2 go eat. shes pretty and sweet. i had a hot dog and a samich 2 eat. it was alright, it woulda been better if i knew it wasnt gunna be my last meal b4 i have to leave. i hate my family, at least my parents. but yeah...damn. i wish i could have someone else go 4 me.

this whole week has been shitty, starting on friday morning. the news of the accident and all that. tuesday was sad, the wake. i was happy that their were tons of people there tho, made me feel go to know that they were loved. wednesday was the funeral and that was really sad too. i was disappointed that i didnt get to go to the burial, but my ride couldnt go so there was nothing i could really do. sabrina looked great both days even tho she was sad and i felt real bad for her. there were a lot of people at the funeral too even tho it was in the middle of the day, that made me feel good too. and tomorrow i have to leave for WY. its a 13-15 hour ride and the only thing i will have to do is sleep (we r leaving at 3 a.m.) and be on the comp if i can even bring it. i better be able to or ill be pissed. i might also finish up my book that ive been working on for a few months, haha. the hobbit, i have about 25 pgs left in it.

love yall

=[ damn

shitty mornings turning into shitty days turning into shitty nights...as im sure most of you know, Stephanie and her momma died last night in a car crash. thats the news i woke up to this morning, shitty wake up call. im real worried about sabrina and everyone else associated with their family. its scary ya know, cuz u never think it can happen to u. if i could do anything to bring them two back, including dying myself, i would do it in a heartbeat. i know theres nothing that will bring them back or make the tragedy any less real for their family but all of us can help them in some way. just being their for them and trying to help will help them greatly. i know Steph and her momma are in a better place but its a real shame that they left so soon.

all of you, plz promise me that u wont drive drunk and that ull wear ur seat belts every time u are in a car. they might still be here with us if they had their buckles fastened.

single

im single again...not like its gunna change anything, just thought id let yall know

true story... 4 me anyway

things that seem too good to be real usually arent

only 4 Nicole...no one else read plz

umm....i love you more than ive ever loved anyone or anything else in my life and i dont want to lose you over one big mistake i made. u mean everything to me and without you, i have nothing meaningful in my life and i have nothing to live for. if i could go back in time and decide not to ask her out, i would. i hate myself for it and just cant stop thinking about how i hurt you. ur still as much a part of me as u were the day u said goodbye. im sorry, i love you.

Sorry everyone

im bored. plain and simple, so ima write a blog. yeah...im wasting my time here on earth and screwing so many ppl over while doing it.

firstly...Nicole, im sorry. ive never meant to hurt you EVER, but i still manage to at times. i know im not easy 2 deal with all the time but i try not to be difficult. u mean everything to me and i screwed up ur whole plan for your life. im sorry. i still love you and idc who knows. ima miss u more than anybody this summer.

secondly...Coryn, im with u but i love Nicole. it tears my heart out to know that this relationship probably wont last very long, especially if i keep acting and thinking the way i have been lately. ur a great girl and im happy 2 have met you tho.

thirdly....my entire family. ive caused all of you so much pain and hardship that i dont know y im even still part of this family. as far as im concerned u should have thrown me out on the streets years ago and let me fend for myself, thats how much ive done for all of you.

i screw up everything i do and mess up everyone elses plans, but i want to change. to everyone i know, im sorry. sorry for all that ive done.

i love you all tho, i hope u know that.

"Faithful" Readers...I give you a preview of what im hoping will be my first novel

Chapter 1
Blondy123 has signed into the chat-room.
Blondy123 says: Hey.
Billythekid says: Hi, who are you?
Blondy123 says: Oh, that’s not important. How are you?
Billythekid says: I’m good, you?
Blondy123 says: I’m not have bad myself.
Billythekid says: Why are you talking to me?
Blondy123 says: I was just looking through chat-rooms and I thought u were cute.
Billythekid says: Well I’m not, so you better stop talking to me!
Billythekid has signed out of the chat-room.

“Damn,” Cathy said to herself as she got off of the computer. “That’s the third one I’ve scared off this week. What the hell is wrong with me?”
“You are being too aggressive with them,” said Joe, her partner in crime.
“Well, why don’t you show me how it’s done Captain?”
“Fine”, he said, “I will, let me onto your AIM account.”
“Okay, lets see how you fair, these kids are a lot smarter than you think.”

Blondy123 has signed into the chat-room.
Blondy123 says: Hi, how are you?
Lionspikes says: Not bad, how about you?
Blondy123 says: Pretty good. What did u do all weekend?
Lionspikes says: Not much, pretty much just stayed around my place, what did you do?
Blondy123 says: The same, do you play a lot of sports?
Lionspikes says: Yeah, do you?
Blondy123 says: I love them. My favorite sport is basketball.
Lionspikes says: Really? So is mine.
Blondy123 says: Oh, that’s cool. What’s your favorite team?
Lionspikes says: Well, I really like the Sonics and Cavaliers.
Blondy123 says: Wow, what a coincidence. I live in Cleveland. LeBron James is my favorite player.
Lionspikes says: Sweet, he’s mine too.
Blondy123 says: He’s so amazing. I love how he dunks.
Lionspikes says: Yeah, that is amazing.
Lionspikes says: I wish I could do that.
Blondy123 says: I’m going to a basketball professional and he’s teaching me how to get more air to do those kinds of aerial tricks.
Lionspikes says: Sweet, do you know if he would be willing to teach me too?
Blondy123 says: Yeah, of course he would. Do you live in the area?
Lionspikes says: Yes, I live on Walton Lane, do you know where that is?
Blondy123 says: Yeah, I live about three blocks from there on Baltic Avenue.
Lionspikes says: Would you be willing to meet me at Lollipop Park around ten on Saturday morning?
Blondy123 says: I’ll be there. My name is Cathy by the way; I’ll be wearing a white sweatshirt and black pants. I won’t be hard to recognize.
Lionspikes says: Okay, my name is Leo.
Blondy123 says: Okay, I have to go, but I will see you on Saturday okay?
Lionspikes says: Sounds like a plan.
Blondy123 has signed out of the chat-room.

“You see how easy that was,” said Joe, “Like taking candy from a baby.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, nice work. I have to admit, you are smarter than you look,” said Cathy.“Thanks, you aren’t dumb either,” he said with a grin on his face.

yay... ;(

well as all ppl from DE already know, tomorrow is the last day of school. most ppl are happy about that, not me. summer is a great time of year and all, its just that it gets old after about a week and flys by every year. i want it to stay put for a lil while so i have some time to enjoy myself. i also dont want to be cooped up in the school for 3 hours a day for 2 weeks in july wasting my time at drivers ed. hopefully ill get to hang out quite a bit and wont have 2 do shit all the time but who knows. thank God i dont have to watch my brother over the summer anymore, that was gay.

im done bitchin, its still my favorite time of the year

oh...fuck

im the biggest asshole ever, be free to tell me i am. please do actually.

im just so sick of making mistakes and getting screwed over every time i think im doing something to help myself. i try to make as few mistakes in my life as i possibly can, but i think i just made the biggest mistake in my life. life was good, then i had to go and find some shit out and not even think about how nicole felt about the whole thing. and if she reads this, which would be a miracle in and of itself, i wanna let her know that im sorry from the bottom of my heart how this whole thing turned out.

i hope everyone has a good summer and checks up on me often as i will prolly be very bored and typing alot of these blogs.