The girl? The summer? Must be the girl.

I'm going insane...plain and simple. I have no idea why either, I'm just pissed and any other negative adjective you can think of. And I have no clue why. I suppose it's because I like a girl that I couldn't see if I had a full tank of gas and an open road. But what about her...the fact that I've only been talking to her for a few days worries me. I like everything about her except that she lives so far away. We have some of the same dreams, I don't dislike anything she does. She doesn't drink, smoke, or use, which I think is awesome. We listen to the same kind of music, for the most part. She's had a tough life and that makes me respect her. She don't know she's beautiful, though time and time I've told her so. She's suspicious and doesn't trust anybody but herself, I like that because people only get to be like that by believing lies and having a lot of things go poorly. She's hilarious. She loves skating, speed skating, which I'd like to learn to do. She has golfed in the past, though I'm not sure she ever will again after the "incident." Yet, I feel like I know nothing about her, I feel that if i met her it would make everything about her so much more crystal. God, I'm having a tough time figuring things out the last few days. It's because I'm sleep deprived, I know. Stillness, silence, and sleep are all I want right now. But I cannot, for the life of me, turn my brain off and just fall into darkness. The Lion Sleeps Tonight is the only thing that is really calming me down right now. The rhythmic music and chanting and whatever else is just perfect. Then, of course, the dreaded Love is a Beautiful Thing comes. Makes me come back and think of her again, damn. I'd like to say it's love, but it's not. Not in 4 days. I want to go to someplace cold, like 50 degrees. Actually, what i really want is to be alone in a cold place. I want to be able to see my thoughts, either on paper or in some other form of visible media. I want to know what I'm thinking and from that be able to figure out why I'm thinking it. This post is a little different than the last, in the fact that I'm unhappy with myself this time, life has changed for the better, but it's still missing something. I'm going to go look for that something....I really hope someone reads this post and it isn't just mindless babbling because I spent over an hour writing it. Please somebody, anybody, help me.